Addison's Disease
by celadeschanel
Summary: Addison is about to leave Seattle Grace Hospital. She leaves a letter.
1. Addison's Disease

**ADDISON'S DISEASE**

By Marcela Costa

**Dear Derek,**

I've always had a great deal of difficulty to let go of things in my life. Even if it's hurting me and eating me inside like cancer, I just sit down and let myself hope that everything is going to be okay. And I always believed wholeheartedly that I was right. Since I came to Seattle, two years ago, I've been living by that same statement: Everything is going to be okay eventually. But, Derek Shepherd, I was wrong. And, worst of all, I let you sit through a sea of unhappiness when you deserved better. And, now that I think about it, I deserved better too.

I've come to a painful, but definitive conclusion:** I can no longer stay in Seattle Grace Hospital. **

Don't try to stop me – by the time you read this, I'll probably be boarding a plane with a ticket to Los Angeles in my hands and no round trip in mind – and don't try to think that I'm a coward. I wouldn't run away from a situation like this unless I was absolutely sure that there was nothing else I can do. It's like a late-stage ectopic pregnancy: The only thing left to do is move on.

However, I couldn't go leaving some things unsaid. I've chosen you as the person to hear them because for most of my life, I've seen in you a person to whom I can say anything. I can almost see your avid ears again, just like in medical school, when I was about to tell you the news. I would be very thankful if you passed on my message.

Interns, don't ever give up on your medical careers. There will be obstacles in your way – I never said there wouldn't – but as a thirty-nine-year-old accomplished attending gynaecologist, obstetrician and neonatal surgeon, I can tell you that it is all worth it. No matter what happens, it will be worth it in the end. And, Miranda Bailey is the best leader you could ask for. Respect her and cherish her. You will shortly finish your internship and will have no such opportunity again.

Callie Torres, thank you very much. Thank you for seeing in me more than a slutty obstetrician. Thank you for listening to me and for letting me know that I was not alone in a hospital full of fellow doctors whose only desire was to see my husband with someone else. Thank you for helping me accept my weaknesses, work on my strengths and never let a patient down because I had personal crap. You are an amazing orthopaedic surgeon and you have a heck of a future ahead of you.

Chief Webber, Richard, thank you for the amazing opportunity. I can say that I had the most unbelievable experiences of my medical career between the four walls of Seattle Grace Hospital and this was only possible because of you. I wish I didn't have to say goodbye.

Mark Sloan, you're a man whore. But, you were responsible for almost all the fun I had in my life. I will miss your inappropriate staring, your sleeping with every single doctor in that hospital and your failed attempts to make the two of us a couple. But I regret to say that it could've never worked out between the two of us. I never loved you, and I never saw the two of us together for the rest of my life. You and I were not meant to be. You would never have changed your way to live because of me. I was not enough to make you settle down and stick to one single woman. I really hope you find someone who is enough for you. I haven't lost my faith that you have the potential to be an amazing guy. You just need to find an amazing woman. And I am no such thing.

Alex Karev, I wished things had turned out differently for the two of us. I wish that you weren't so young, I wish that you didn't have a whole life of meeting new women ahead of you and I wish that you didn't have the fight-against-the-system hormones circling in your blood that kept you from being "just another intern sleeping with an attending". But, I can tell you now, Alex, that you would never be "just another intern" under any circumstances. You have an incredible talent; not only for my specialty, but for any medical specialty you choose to do. For a moment, I did wish that we were together; I did think that I was in love with you and I did try to be your girlfriend. But after all, you made me understand that some things just aren't meant to be. I wish you lots of love with whoever is lucky enough to be your wife and I wish you good luck with the rest of your life. Not that you need a lot of that last one.

Meredith Grey, don't be afraid to dive – head first – right into life with Derek. You two are obviously made for each other and I was just a rock in your way, like many other rocks that for sure will come. Fight for everything you believe in and never dismiss a little juju: We do most of the work, but the heavens are allowed to help out a little. Don't worry about anything that may be keeping you from being with Derek. Nature will take its course. And, please, tell Izzie Stevens that Forbes Montgomery are not rich-people's last names.

And, last, but sure as hell not least, Derek Shepherd: **I will always love you. **

Loving you is not a sin and I'm not ashamed. Maybe I don't feel the same way as I felt in first year medical school, but there's a part of me that will always love you more than you can imagine. You were my first love and I don't expect to feel about anyone the way I once felt about you.

Don't take this the wrong way: I want you and Grey to be happy. I just want you to know that whenever you need me, I'll be there. I'll be here in L.A., or in Seattle, or God knows where, but I will be there for you whenever you call my name. If you want me as a friend or whatever other role you need, count on me. I won't put my life on hold, but, the door will always be opened.

And, Derek, baby, when you left me, three and a half years ago, you told me we weren't Derek and Addison anymore. But, you were wrong. We will always be **Derek and Addison**. That's why I won't be taking out the _Shepherd_ part of my name. It's a part of my life that I'm proud of and that I want to remember forever. Even if just as a remote memory and even if I can never live it again.

I still believe in happily ever after. I know it exists and I know mine is waiting for me. Yours, Derek, is with Meredith Grey. I hope you are smart enough to see that and not to let anything or anyone drive you two apart. I will miss you incredibly and being without you is going to be an incurable heartache for me.

However, I'm hopeful that moving to L.A. is going to start me a new life. That's exactly what I need. A fresh start, something that makes me put everything I lived in Seattle Grace Hospital behind me. Of course, I could never forget it. But it's no longer part of my life.

I wish you luck, love and life. And I wish you many beautiful days to save lives. Please, have some fun for me.

With love,

_Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd_

_Senior Attending Obstetrician and Neonatal Surgeon, Seattle Grace Hospital. _

**Addie.**


	2. Shepherd's Stun

**From Derek Shepherd**

**Seattle Grace Hospital, Seattle, WA**

**To Addison Montgomery**

**Oceanside Wellness, Los Angeles, CA**

**Dear Addie,**

I've known you for too long to think that this was an easy decision for you. It was always fine to sit down, take a deep breath and hope it will all be okay, but this time, you are reaching for more. And I'm glad you are, Addie. I think you should always reach for more. Only fools are satisfied and you know that very well.

That's why I would never try to stop you. In LA, I think you'll see that life is much more than what you lived here, in Seattle. I have hope that you'll be as joyful as you can ever be and I hope that your stunning smile – with which I once fell in love – will shine again in its perfection. **Life's too short for not taking chances, babe.**

I told your friends what you wrote and I could see in their eyes that they will miss you. Addison, you were **not** insignificant in anyone's lives. You will always stay – if not in our hearts – in our minds until the day we die.

Callie Torres said you were very welcome. She thanks you for giving her a little bit of your might and experience and for guiding her to her current title of Chief Resident. She loves you very much and she thinks that you should never let other people's opinions speak louder than your heart, because what's inside your heart is a spectacle for anyone who's lucky enough to cross your path. She hopes you'll come visit.

The interns have finished their programs. Mer is with me in Neuro, and of course, I now love my job even more than I already did. All of them wanted to thank you for just being around, for being someone they could look up to and see as a goal to their medical careers. I'm telling you, Addie. You walk into a room, the red hair flies and everyone thinks: "**Dammit, I wanna be just like that.**" Miranda Bailey says she wishes she had you as a leader. Saving babies is a very honourable way to live and you have a guaranteed spot in heaven besides Our Lord, or whatever it is that you WASPs believe in.

Chief Webber admires you very much as a doctor and as a person. He says that the Shepherds were his first and his very best friends. You had an impact in his life, Addie, that I do not see anyone having again in the near future. He loves you like a daughter and he will love you as long as he lives.

He says it's not goodbye.

Mark Sloan said that he agreed with you: He is a freaking man whore and everything that is wrong with the world and love is a foreign concept in his dictionary. He says, however, that he wished you were the one to teach him all about loving someone. He feels that you were the person that meant the most to him in his entire life. It hurts me to know that even though we were in New York, and we were the happiest couple in the world, he was already looking at you differently. He hopes – and I hope – that he will find an amazing woman and become an amazing man. **But, until then, his loyalty is with you**. And a part of his heart will always beat Ad-di-son Mont-go-me-ry. Until it stops beating altogether.

Alex Karev believes that the way things turned out was for the best. He thinks that he was never good enough for you. While you were some big-shot attending gynaecologist, he was an aspiring intern, hoping to one day be half the doctor you are. But, he needs you to know that somehow and somewhere deep down, he loves you immensely and he will never, ever forget you. And he's wishing you luck and love, even though he knows you don't need a lot of luck either and that love is overrated. Most of the time.

Isobel Stevens says: "You kiddin' me? 25 million dollars? You're freakin' loaded, Forbes Montgomery!" She hopes you'll understand.

Mer says hello and that she hopes you're doing great. She says that you shouldn't be afraid of anything. This is the time to walk with an open heart and attentive eyes and ears to jump into any opportunity to be happy. She believes you are an incredible person who deserves everything that is the best the world has to offer. She doesn't know if you know it, but, she considers you a very good friend. Also, she says that the **Grey-Shepherd** union will last a hell of a longer than the **Montgomery-Shepherd** union. I'm sorry, but I agree with her.

And, of course, I was in complete shock when I received your letter. Even though I already knew somehow that you still felt strongly about me, I failed to acknowledge that I still feel strongly about you too. And this is something invariable.

When people share a bond like we did, it's never over. Our story was a huge chapter in my life. And the **Derek and Addison** chapter is a chapter that I will not be erasing of forgetting anytime soon. I know happy endings to be real and I know mine is going on right now. I love Meredith Grey.

And I love Meredith Grey more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I live for her, I breath for her and I would die for her without second thought. But, there's someone else I would die for.

**It's you, Addison Montgomery. **

I don't feel the same way I did in Med School either. Still, my heart has a soft special spot reserved only for you. I know I made you cry. I know Mark made you cry. And I know Alex made you cry. I know that you have suffered a great deal throughout your life with Bizzy's and the Captain's dysfunctional relationship and I know that if I were you, I would not be as strong and as faithful as you are now. But, it's all means to an end, Addie. What doesn't break us, makes us stronger. Promise me that you will never let yourself down or let anything let you down.

I can't explain what I felt for you the first time I saw your red hair and felt the warmth of your body against mine. And, in the first time you looked at me in WASPy silence, letting your beautiful blue eyes hit mine with its spell, I knew that you meant something to me that nothing and no one could ever destroy. Forgive me, but, when I said forever, I meant it.

Your eyes will always be my safe place to think and I will be there for you at all times. I hope you'll come give me a hug every once in a while, but, I hope you'll find happiness in LA.

There's only one thing I need you to know, Addison: **Every day is a beautiful day and every life is more than worth saving.** All you need is good eyes to see it and strong guts to make it. You are not a doctor. You are an artist of medicine. Your abilities in surgery are more than what's explicable by the laws of human talent. Save lives, Addie. The world needs you.

Seattle Grace Hospital will never be the same.

From your loving ex-husband,

_Derek Shepherd_

_Senior Attending Neurosurgeon – Seattle Grace Hospital._


	3. Addie's New Life

**Dear Derek,**

I honestly didn't think you were going to answer me. I thought you would leave all those things unsaid, but I'm glad you didn't. I needed to hear (or read) this and I couldn't get to LA without it.

So, I just thought I'd say how things are going here.

I woke up this morning with the sun shining. The perfectly polished grains of sand reflected the sunlight. Right behind my house, hot 20-year-olds were already surfing away. I got into my Calvin Klein and my Jimmy Choos and headed out to my first day of work as senior gynaecologist in a small-town medicine practice. Life seemed perfect in what is by far the most beautiful beach in the United States. But, you know what, Derek? This sucks.

The second I step into the practice, I think everything will be fine. Turns out that the receptionist happens to be one of the hot 20-year-old surfers and I quickly spot Naomi and Sam sitting there. What I didn't know is that **Naomi didn't even bother to tell anyone that I was coming. **

All of a sudden, everyone hates me. They have this whole organizational system going on, where they close themselves in a self-sufficient group that doesn't have a care in the world for outsiders. This is how I'm feeling here, Derek. As an outsider. As I thought leaving Seattle would never make me feel.

And, today, I saved a girl's life. I performed a freaking C-section in a non-sterile environment. In fact, she was lying down in a bed with sheets which, by the way, were already used for like 500 births, and I scrubbed in with freaking Palmolive soap. Seriously, Derek. Palmolive.

And I saved mother and baby.

Then, why the hell do they think I'm not good enough for their practice? Why don't they see that I'm doing my best here to adapt to this? I wanna be a part of it, Derek. I really do. But, they just don't see that.

However, not everything is a reason to walk away. I met a new guy today. He is an alternative medicine guru, and his name is Pete Wilder. He seemed very, very nice, if you know what I mean. I hear he's single. We'll see how that goes.

How's Meredith? Tell her I'm sorry for what happened three years ago. I never had a chance to say I'm sorry. Also, tell her that I know the Grey-Shepherd union is gonna last a long time. I'm crossing my fingers for you two!

How's Mark? Is he okay? I didn't wanna hurt him with my last letter. Would you please tell him that? Tell him I'm sorry. And say that I miss him. He is very important to me too. Just not in **that** way.

Make sure you say hi to Callie and Richard for me, okay?

From your **dearly** **beloved** ex-wife,

Addie F. Montgomery


	4. Derek's Angst

**Hey Addie!**

I'm sorry to hear things are going badly for you. I was very confident you would be perfectly welcomed by the Californians up there. You know, you could always come back. Richard would get you your job back in no time. And we are packed with expecting moms and sick newborns all the way up here. All you have to do is get your ass on a plane and you'll be with me within seven hours. This time, don't be a bitch: **Stay where you belong.**

I make it sound compelling, but there's trouble in paradise. Mark has been giving me the cold shoulder since he got your first letter. I don't know why, I don't know if it's **because **he got your first letter. I gave it to him, he read it, and it was like a light went off inside him. He said what I should tell you and walked away. Hasn't spoken to me outside of work ever since. I'm worried, Addie. Very worried. I'm worried that he is mad at you for leaving or mad at me for not stopping you. Only God knows what's going on in his head.

Meredith is good, but I think she is feeling this Mark thing even more than I am. She is talking to me and, between us, everything is okay. But, she is mad at Mark too. And Mark **wants to kill** Meredith. It's a long story. I'll tell you now.

I don't know if you met Dr. Alexis Grey. She is the daughter of Thatcher Grey, Meredith's father and his new wife, Sarah. Ergo, Lexie is Meredith's Half Sister. She has just finished her Medical School at Harvard and she is doing her internship at Seattle Grace. Even though she is over fifteen years younger than Mark, they really hit it off. Mark was very interested in her. Well, as much as he can be. However, Meredith and Lexie have been talking about Mark. Meredith has been dishing out to her everything about his cheating, what happened to our marriage and the weird relationship – or the lack thereof – between you two.

So, Lexie doesn't want anything to do with Mark now. **He is pretty damn mad about that.** And I can't talk to Meredith about Mark because all she does is change subjects or just tell him off as much as she can. I can't take this anymore, Addie. I'm going crazy.

Mer has always been – and still is – the person to whom I can say anything. And I do mean **anything**. She is the best listener I've ever met and she understands me more than anyone. And me not talking to her about the thing that is bothering me the most these days… It's unbearable, Addie. Unbearable.

I was thinking of asking her to go away with me. Like, a week off, or even fifteen days, you know? Half a month alone with Meredith in Santa Monica or Palmilla would be my definition of heaven. I swear to God, we would talk about **everything **and everything would be finally straightened out. I'm so desperate I would buy us both tickets to freaking Ibiza if that's what it took for Mer to talk to me.

What do you think? Should I do that? Not that you're a relationship expert, but, it's always good to have all sorts of opinions. I would really appreciate it if you told me what you thought.

**I'm so proud of us, Addie.** Look where we are. We've reached a point where we can talk **to each other about relationships. **Officially, we are friends now. I'm happy we're friends. I feel like you are someone I can really talk to and relate to again. It's like three years ago all over again.

**From who will never stop loving you,**

**Derek Shepherd. **


	5. Mark's Confession

_Beep_

**You've reached Dr. Mark Sloan's voicemail at the Department of Plastic Surgery on Seattle Grace Hospital. I can't come to the phone just now, so, leave a message and I'll return your call as soon as it's possible. **

_Beep_

Oh, fuck. I can't talk **here**. It's Addison, by the way. Call me, you son of a bitch.

_Beep _

**Hey, it's Mark! I'm probably out right now, so, either call me on my cell or just leave a message. I'll buzz you whenever I can. See ya!**

_Beep_

Okay, Mark Sloan, you better cut this childish crap you're giving Derek right now. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. I tried to call you at the hospital, but you weren't there. Probably screwing some Grey girl who doesn't know any better, huh? Tell me why you're doing this. Tell me: Why aren't you talking to Derek? I mean, I get the whole Meredith thing. I get it that she acted badly when she told her sister about what you'd done. I mean, you're not all bad. As I said, you have the potential to be **one heck of a guy**. Why aren't you doing so? What the hell did Derek do to you to make you give him the cold shoulder? It's me you should be blaming. It's me you should be avoiding. It's me you should hate. It's my fault that I left without talking to anyone; it's my fault that Derek didn't stop me. It's everything my fault. I seduced you three years ago; it's my fault that we even slept together for starters! If it wasn't for me, we'd still be the happy pack of friends in New York City.

Tell me, Mark. What did Derek do? I'm really curious! 'Cause, in my head, all he's done is let you make him your bitch, and hurt him as much as you want without have him say a word. Now, please, Mark. **I'm begging you. **Let him be happy with Meredith. He's finally got rid of me, and now that he could enjoy it with Mer, you're there, not talking to him, getting his mind off what's really important.

You know what, Mark? I can even talk to this Lexie girl if you want. I'm the one who was allegedly most offended by whatever you might have done, and honestly, I don't think you hurt me or anyone as much as Meredith's ugly picture might have said. Let me straighten things out. Give me Lexie's number.

You know what you can also do? Come to LA. Remember when you asked me to come home with you, last year? Come home with me, Mark Sloan. You and I are no longer part of Seattle Grace Hospital. Seattle Addison and Seattle Mark are already dead and have been for a long time. I already put Seattle Addison away and started a new life as LA Addison. It's time for you to do the same.

**Call me. **

_Beep_

**Hey, this is Addison. You know what to do, so do it. After the beep.**

_Beep_

Addison, it's Mark. Sit down. Seriously.

I'll tell you why I'm not talking to Derek. I don't expect you to admire me or think of me as less of a man whore after I tell you this, but, you asked, so I'm saying. I'm not talking to Derek because **I'm in love with you. **

Yes, Addison. I'm madly in love with you. Over the moon. More than you thought I could be in love with someone. I know this will be shocking, and you'll have trouble understanding what I'm saying, but, it's actually very simple: I love you, Addie. And I love you so much that it makes me hate you. And I hate that I hate you 'cause all I ever wanted to do was to love you. Maybe that's why I'm a man whore. I can't have the woman I love, so, hell, let me have them all.

And that letter you wrote… That was the proof that you're still in love with Derek. I always knew that this thing between you and Derek was forever. I always knew I never had a chance with you. Even as far back as Med School. You were the most beautiful girl that campus had ever seen**. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you.** I fell in love with your red hair, with your bluish green eyes, with your unbelievable brain. Always, Addison. I always felt that way about you.

But, Derek was the Dreamiest McDreamy of all McDreamies and all the girls wanted to be with him. Too bad for all of them, because everyone knew that Derek's heart belonged to the poor little shy girl, with her hidden intelligence that made her even sexier. I was only the stupid bastard who slept with your roommate. **Being with you was a war that I'd already lost. **

I looked for replacements my whole life, but, Addison, no one in this world can compare to you. My replacement just happened to be every other woman alive. And if it's your fault that we slept together and if you did seduce me, then thank you, Addie. That was the one chance I had in my life to be with you, and I carry no regrets at all. Watching you with my best friend for over a decade was the greatest torture I ever had to face. But I did it, **because I wanted to be with you**.

And you can leave as many rude messages as you want in my voicemail. You can call me a son of a bitch, or a man whore or whatever the hell comes to your mind. It won't make me stop loving you.** Nothing ever will. **And I can't even look at Derek, because whenever I do, the picture of the two of you together pops right back into my mind. And I can't take this anymore, Addison. Not again.

**Call me back. **


	6. Addie's Long Lost Love

_Beep_

**Hey, it's Mark! I'm probably out right now, so, either call me on my cell or just leave a message. I'll buzz you whenever I can. See ya!**

_Beep_

Get your ass in Los Angeles. _I mean it._ I'll be waiting. It's Addison.

**Hey, Addie!**

Look, baby, I don't know what you did, but, whatever it was, thank you! Mark is talking to me again! All of a sudden, he apologized for being such a jerk. And when I asked him what hit him, he just said: Blame Addison. Blame Addison for all of your problems. I'm not sure Mark is exactly a problem for me now. He was a problem in New York, when we were married and you cheated on me with him. **Sorry for the sincerity**. But, right now, you two are actually I great part of my life, which I'd hate giving up.

Anyhow, this has really lightened up a bunch of weight that was hanging off my back. Mer and I are almost back to where we were, but, we're still taking our short vacation in Palmilla. I can't wait.

Love you,

**Derek Shepherd**.

SMS

_Mrk,_

_Thnks for talkin to Drk. I'm proud of u. _

_AFM_

_AFM, _

_O, not a prblm. For u, anything._

_Mrk_

_Mrk, _

_C? I said u could be an amazing man. _

_AFM_

_AFM,_

_That's cause I found an amazing woman._

_Mrk._


	7. Derek and Mark's Desperation

**From: **Derek Christopher Shepherd

Department of Neurosurgery

Seattle Grace Hospital

Seattle, Washington, USA

**To: **Addison Forbes Montgomery

Oceanside Wellness

5th Floor, 600 Ocean Ave

Los Angeles, California, USA

**Addison,**

I **need** you to come to Seattle. I **need** you to. It's urgent. Forget about the stupid practice and the stupid co-op doctors who don't give a crap about your expertise. They don't know what they're missing. Come to Seattle right now. I'm serious. I feel like I'm on the edge of this huge cliff and if I don't have my arms wrapped around you in the next 24 hours, I may jump.

**Meredith Grey and I broke up. **We went to Palmilla; it was supposed to be our dream vacation. I planned it so carefully! I picked our hotel; I had French champagne delivered to our room… I fucking paid for the presidential suite, Addison!

We got there Friday night. She loved the room, she loved the spot and I was looking forward to spending the whole weekend in bed. But, as the weekend progressed, I found myself in the midst of **too much** talking and **too little** sex. No problem for me, I love talking to Meredith. But, all she could talk about was Mark! She was telling me that she thought I shouldn't have folded like that. She said I was a **pushover** for letting Mark take the crap out of me and then forgive him, she said he wasn't a friend and I should see that already… And the weekend went on. I was expecting to have the perfect weekend with the woman I love and all I got was crap and drama.

Around Sunday afternoon, she got the guts to tell me that she was getting more and more disappointed at me. She said I changed since you left. She said that in the short period of two and a half weeks you've been in L.A., I've already have the time to become a pushover **who doesn't give a crap if people mess with me**. She said that, in contrast to my "old" strong personality, I'm now this **weak guy**. And worst of it all: She said **I'm still in love with you** and that she's not ready to be with someone like me.

Can you believe it, Addie? Can you **fucking** believe it? Because it took me a while to believe I was actually hearing those words. Coming from the woman I love!

You know what I think sometimes, Addie? I think that you and Mark were right to call Meredith the twelve-year-old. Sometimes I feel like she is so immature and comes with such a heavy and underdeveloped emotional baggage that I'm not in shape to bear! I've been with a girl for so long, that she is making me a boy. I need to be with a woman, Addie.** I need to be a man again.**

So, come to Seattle. Just do it. Don't be afraid. **I'm willing to pick up where we left off.** And, maybe, we were meant to be from the start. Maybe Mere was the rock in our way. **Maybe the Addison and Derek chapter of my life didn't end after all. **

**Waiting for you,**

**Derek C. Shepherd. **

**From: **Mark Sloan

Department of Plastic Surgery

Seattle Grace Hospital

Seattle, Washington, USA

**To: **Addison Forbes Montgomery

Oceanside Wellness

5th Floor, 600 Ocean Ave

Los Angeles, California, USA

**Addison Forbes Montgomery-****Shepherd,**

You know I was never very good at writing, but if this is how you wanna play the game, **this is how the game is gonna be played**. I'm writing this letter to ask you to come to Seattle as soon as you can. I'm not asking you to move here, just **get on a plane and come to Seattle.**

We need to talk. And we need to talk in a non-voicemail and non-letter way. I need to see you again. I need to be blinded by the redness of your hair and the greenness of your eyes again. I need to smell you again, I need to feel you again, right here. **Close to me**.

Seriously, Addie. I said things and you said things that we can't take back. And we can't ignore. Were you just gonna pretend that I didn't say **I love you** to your face just now? You know me, Addison. You know it took a lot for me to get the courage to tell you. Asking me to come to LA, is that an "**I love you too**"? Or is it "I **don't love you, come to LA so I can slap you in the face**"? Stop giving me mixed signals!

What I need you to know is: I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you! And I will always love you. Whether you choose to come to LA or you don't, I'll still love you. I'll love you with you near me or with you far from me.

**So, what I'm asking you here is to put an end to my misery**. Let me love you near. Because if a decade with Derek didn't make me stop loving you, it won't be miserable eight hundred miles that will.

**With love,**

**Mark **

**P.S. **By the way, Red, I've slept with like three nurses since you left. None of them compares to you in bed. You're like a sex queen! Come to Seattle!


	8. Addison's Indecision

**From:** Addison Montgomery **.com**

**To:** Archer Forbes Montgomery **.com**

**Dear Archer, **

I never thought I'd actually be coming to you for advice, but, **I need you**. I just found out I have the most important decision of my life to make.

Last night, two letters came to the practice. Weirdly enough, they both came from the same place. Seattle Grace Hospital. **I knew one of them was from Derek**. Of course it took me ages to figure out who the second Seattle Grace doctor sending me letters was. I visited everyone. A sea of faces came to mind. Callie, Richard, Meredith, Miranda, even Isobel! But, when I looked on the back and saw the stamp for **Plastics**,** I felt my heart pound**.

Yes, it was **Mark Sloan**. We had a very weird conversation in our voicemails, but, he said one thing that made me realize that he was** not** kidding himself. He said **he loved me**. And he said he'd been loving me for so long that he'd given up on the fight for being with me. He knew I was Derek's forever and that he didn't stand a chance with me. Truth be told, Archie. In Med School,** he didn't**. But, afterwards, when I started seeing through him and realizing what an amazing man he was,** he did**! Maybe, if things didn't work out between me and Derek, and if I'd known that he loved me for that long, things would've turned out differently!

**Truthfully, I don't know if I love him. **I'm sure I feel very strongly about him, but I'm not sure it's love. I just know I love the feeling I get when I look at him. Before I cheated, the marriage was already going through a crisis. **Mark was the one who listened to me**. Mark was the one who sat there by my side on the stupid on-call room at NY Med, while I cried on his shoulder about Derek caring more about his craniotomies than about me. Mark never left my side. Makes you wonder, was I really being unfaithful? Did I cheat on my husband for two months or did I cheat on myself for ten years?

On the other hand, **I have Derek**. Derek has been my dream for as long as I can remember. When we met, I thought he had the instructions to understand every flaw and every quality of my moral-compass-lacking character. He admired me, he made me feel right. In the first 7 years of our marriage or so, he made me happier than I ever thought I could be. He made me feel stable, with my feet to the ground knowing that, if I fell, he'd be right there to catch me.

And now, he broke up with Meredith and he is asking me to come see him. Now, read carefully, Archer:** If I do go see him, we will have sex, we will be together and he will think I wanna be with him again.** Remember, Archer, if I go there **to see him **he will be convinced that I wanna stay. So I need to be careful about that.

Derek's letter was** lovely**. He said all the right words; he knew all the right answers. He made it really sound like he needed me. Archie, he humbly told me he was gonna jump off a metaphorical cliff if he didn't have his arms (**I think he meant legs**) wrapped around me right now.

But, Mark's letter was **real**. I felt that he was speaking from his heart and soul. I could almost **hear him saying those words in my ears**. And, Archie, it made me shiver. Mark always made me shiver. And, plus, he is **so much fun.** I feel like this is what I need in my life right now, Archie. A little fun. A little fun that makes me forget about my stupid decision to move to L.A. and how everything **is wrong** with my life right now. I need fun. **I need Mark fun**.

And asking Mark to come to L.A. was sparing myself from the position of getting to Seattle and having to choose between the two. Actually choosing one of them **in front of the other.** Publicly telling one of them that I don't want him. **That in fact, I want his best friend**.

So, I found myself in a situation where I have to choose between: **A)** a long and happy romance, being treated like I'm loved and **I'm worth it**, with the man **I chose** to spend the rest of my life with. Or **B)** a steaming life of **sex and laughing** with the man that always stood by me and always made me feel like **I'm actually alive**.

**Which one do I pick? **

I better choose fast, 'cause in this moment, I am boarding a plane and **in seven hours, I'll be in Seattle Grace Hospital.**

**From your sister who loves you,**

**Addie.**

**From:** Addison Montgomery **.com**

**To:** Mark Sloan **.com**

I'm coming. Wait for me. Don't come pick me up the airport. I'm going to the hospital.

Addie.

**From:** Addison Montgomery** .com**

**To:** Derek Shepherd **.com**

I'll be in Seattle in seven hours. Don't come to the airport. I'll meet you the hospital.  
Addie.

**From:** Archer Forbes Montgomery

**To:** Addison Montgomery **.com**

**I think you know what to do, Addie.** If you didn't know what to do, you wouldn't be in so much pain.

I'm not gonna tell you who to choose. Because I don't know exactly **who** you chose, but, I know you **already** chose. You are in so much pain because you know you'll have to reject someone you hoped will be your best friend again.

I'm sorry, Addison. I'm so sorry that you're in this position. But, as your brother, I need to tell you the truth and nothing but the truth: This is the way it's gonna be. **There's no escaping this, Addie!** You're gonna have to make this decision whether you like it or not. You deserve the man you love, and you love one of these two men.

Don't worry about the other one. I'm sure he will realize eventually that **your heart wants what it wants**, and no one can be mad at you for making the hardest choice of your life.

You are choosing between: **A)** having a lover and a hater at Seattle Grace Hospital or **B)** Having two best friends in Seattle Grace Hospital, secretly loving one of them.

**But, is this really an ****either/or****?**

E-mail me as soon as you're done.

**Archer. **

P.S. What's with the e-mailing? You know that this is why Graham Bell was so excited when he invented the phone!

**(GUYS, I'M SORRY FOR THE .com NEXT TO THE NAMES! **

**I HAD INVENTED E-MAILS FOR THEM, BUT, APPARENTLY, DOESN'T ACCEPT E-MAIL ADDRESSES IN THE STORIES.**

**THANK YOU FOR ALL THE AMAZING REVIEWS AND I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**MARCELA COSTA**

**RECIFE, BRAZIL)**


	9. Shepherds' Choice

**Dear Archer,**

**I chose Derek.**

I chose Derek and I already think I made the wrong decision. I always thought Derek was meant to be with Meredith, but, when I got there, he convinced me of the opposite. I'll tell you the story from the start.

I told both of them that I would be coming to Seattle and **not** to come meet me at the airport. Of course, they were both waiting for me at the airport. I could see them from the luggage claim that they were right there, side by side, not even looking at each other. There was that symbolical distance between them. **They were three feet apart, with that nervous look on their faces as if defying each other to speak first. **

When I got off the plane and walked out of the arrival room, Derek ran towards me and gave me a big hug. I could feel his hands hugging my waist and his warmth taking over me. It felt good, Archer. It felt amazing to have his skin pressed against mine once again. "**I'm glad you came**", he said, kissing me on the cheek. But, when I raised my eyes, and saw Mark standing there. **He was smiling**. He didn't look jealous or anything, he just looked happy to see me, even if I were wrapped around Derek's arms. "I'm glad I came", I said, gently tapping him on the back as a signal for him to release me.

Afterwards, I went and talked to Mark. Instead of hugging me instantly like Derek did, Mark just looked at me, **with a gentle smile on his face and a loving look in his eyes**. "Addison." He said, simply. I couldn't do anything but just stand there looking into his eyes. "Mark." I said. We spent about thirty seconds looking at each other, trying to read each other's eyes. Mark's look was like an encrypted message. I didn't know what he wanted to tell me, but I knew it was something I wanted to know. I threw myself in his arms and he wrapped me around his firm grasp. **It was the sweetest feeling in the world. **

By this time, I wanted to cut my wrists. I couldn't choose, I just couldn't. Mark said: "I'll take you to your hotel." I looked at Derek. "Hotel? You're staying at my place." And Mark and Derek just started a schoolyard fight in the middle of the airport.

"No, if she's not at a Hotel, she's staying at my place!"

"No, you're place is like a whorehouse!"

"Whorehouse?** I'm not the one dating Meredith Grey!**"

"**Neither am I! Not anymore!**"

I interrupted. "I'm going to the hospital." They both stared at me. "Alone, in a cab. Meet me there." They finally did what I told them to do and met me at the hospital. **I tried to avoid them both as much as I could.** Mark offered to take me to the on-call room, Derek offered me to show me around the changes made in the hospital, but I just said I wanted to talk to Callie.

And I did. I went to the Ortho Wing. Callie didn't even know I was going to Seattle, so, of course, she was surprised to see me. She gave me a big hug and said she had a lot of stuff to tell me. We went to the woman's bathroom and I avoided Mark and Derek for another hour.

Truth is: **Callie is a lesbian**. Yes, Archer, Callie is a lesbian. She's dating a Paediatric Surgeon called Arizona Robbins. I didn't get to meet her, but, just getting the news that one of your best friends is a lesbian is shocking enough. After I talked to Callie, I said I wanted to talk to Richard. And another hour went by.

I stalled them like this for almost six hours. It was already night when I told them I was ready. And I **was** ready. I had decided to choose Derek. I need stability in my life, Archer. Mark is a lot of fun, but, **he is not someone you can rely on! **I need someone to always count on. **I need someone to catch me if I fall. And Mark won't.**

When I went to tell them both, Mark told me Derek had just gotten into a craniotomy. **I felt a Déjà Vu hitting me in the face right there.** It was three years ago all over again. Archer, I've never felt anything like that before. I could almost see, right in front of me like a movie, me and Mark on the on-call room at NY Med. I cried on Mark's shoulder about not having Derek as much as I wanted and Mark secretly loving me, but being supportive every step of the way.

But, I got the guts to tell him, Archie. I said: "Mark, I'm so sorry." Mark looked down. He knew what I meant by that. He walked away and said: "See? I never stood a chance." It was like a bullet to my heart.

I waited for Derek until midnight. He left the OR and I was sitting alone on the waiting room.

"Where's Mark?" He asked me. I flashed him a smile, silent. "Don't tell me!" He pulled me up and gave me a firm hug. **I felt wrapped in cloud of safety and love**. He looked into my eyes, nervous, as if waiting for me to say something.

I smiled and he gave me a kiss. It was the most amazing, meaningful kiss I've ever had in my life. We went to his trailer, and I think you know what happened then.

It was one of the best nights of my life, but I can't forget Mark's sad face as he walked away from me. I don't think I ever will.

**Please tell me I made the right call!**

**From your sister,**

**Addison.**


	10. MontogomeryShepherd's Anihilation

**Dear Archer,**

**You have the most stupid sister in this world. **You wanna know why? I'll tell you why: This morning, I didn't wake up beside Derek. I woke up beside an empty space.

Read the note Derek wrote. It was stuck to the fridge with a magnet shaped like a happy face, cutest thing in the world. Of course, if I was second guessing my decision, when I saw it, I didn't anymore. And while I was reading the note, Mark's face just vanished from my hand.

It's this note I clipped to the letter.

"_**Good morning, love!**_

_You must've just woken up. I left this note on the fridge to let you know why you didn't wake up by your side. I went to take a walk and catch the first hours of the day. Maybe in a few days, you'll be able to join me! But, today I just wanted to let you sleep in. You look so beautiful when you're asleep. So serene, so peaceful… __**I can't believe I traded that for Meredith Grey.**_

_Don't worry, I already called Richard and took the day off from the hospital. Anyhow, I made us breakfast before I left. It's trout. I know you hate trout, but I just thought it would remind you of old times, huh? __**Bring a smile to that beautiful face of yours.**_

_See you in a few hours,_

_**Derek 3"**_

Could he sound any more devoted? I felt so touched by this that I left the "house" (the stupid trailer), **still with my pyjamas on**, and started wandering around that weird forest that surrounds the place I'm living right now. I did have a smile on that beautiful face of mine.

I walked around for like five minutes and I heard Derek's voice. I thought he was talking to himself. Those were his exact words:

"When I met Addison, I was sure she was the love of my life. And then, I let her go, and I felt like crap. But, now, so many things have happened, and I'm regretting everything I said before. I was so wrong. I was wrong all this time…" I just stood there and listened. He went on and on.  
"I wish I could take back everything that I did, you know? I wish I could go back to everything the way it was before. I feel like this is my fault, somehow." I was about to walk in and tell him that it was not his fault when I heard that **skanky, squeaky, irritating** voice hitting me right in the face.

"**Don't worry, Derek. You're still my McDreamy."**

"You don't get it, Mer. She chose me! She chose me over Mark one more time. She's trying, Mer. I can't pretend she is not." I wanted to go interrupt them, Archer, I really did. But, I held it in.

"I know, I know… But, you and I, we're meant to be!" That when she stopped talking for a while. I knew it was time to come in and say something. When I walked towards them, I found him kissing her, very firm and passionately.

"What is all this?" I yelled. Derek released Meredith with a startled spasm.

"Addison, I can explain."

"Why don't you let me explain it: You're turning into Mark! **Worse, you're turning into me!**"

"How's turning into you worse than turning into Mark?" I took a deep breath and said:

"Because Mark cheats. And he cheats and he cheats. But, no one ever doubts that he is a good man. I never doubted that he is a good man. Sure, he's made many mistakes, but Derek, so have I! **And so have you!** But, when I cheated, you couldn't even look at me! I came down to Seattle and humiliated myself-"

"Humiliated yourself wearing Prada and accusing me of 'screwing' your husband-" Meredith interrupted, making quotation marks with her fingers. I cut her off.

"Stay out of this, this doesn't concern you!"

"**Don't you dare yell at Meredith!**"

"I'm sorry, Meredith, I'm just in a lot of distress right now." I lowered my voice, but, deep down, I wanted to kill her. "Derek, I humiliated myself. I came down here to **beg you** to take me back. But, you had left me for a woman 10 years and two doctorates younger than me!" I looked at Meredith. "Again, no offense intended."

"Oh, none taken." She said, in a very weird tone.

"But, Derek, all **you did was hurt me and treat me like shit all time**! I cried every night beside you in our bed and you didn't give a horse's ass to what I was feeling! Makes you wonder, huh? Am I Satan here? Did you not get the image of Mark and me out of your head as soon as you got to Seattle? I cheated on you once and that was the only time in our entire marriage where I actually felt wanted. You made me suffer the slow pain of being with someone and loving someone who hates you and wants to make sure you never forget it! And **I caused this** by cheating on you!" Derek stared at me, listening to my monologue. "So, you know now, Derek. It's worse being me than being Mark. Because I cheated on you, and it was so horrible that not even a year of you hurting me back kept you from cheating on me with the 12-year-old again. And Mark cheated on me. **But, I'm gonna go see him right now.**"

And I'm in a taxi cab right now. Waiting for whatever is gonna happen to me.

Wish me luck, Archer. **Not that I need – or deserve – it. **

**From your sister,**

**Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery. **

**HeHe**


	11. Addison's Turnaround

_Beep_

**You've reached Dr. Mark Sloan's voicemail at the Department of Plastic Surgery on Seattle Grace Hospital. I can't come to the phone just now, so, leave a message and I'll return your call as soon as it's possible. **

_Beep_

Mark, where the hell are you? Are you not at the hospital? I need you, Mark, quickly! I'm staying at the Ritz. Please, come see me as soon as you can. Derek cheated on me.** I've tasted my own medicine and it is bitter.** Please, Mark. I need you. I know I screwed up! I know I chose Derek when I actually should've chosen you! I should've known better! I knew Derek would end up screwing that damn 12-year-old again. Mark, I'm so sorry to whatever I did to you, I'm so sorry about how much I hurt you for choosing Derek, I'm sorry!

Okay, now I'm rambling, and I'm panicking. **I'm losing my fucking grip. **Breathe, Addison.

I'm gonna tell you the whole story now, Mark. And I hope you have the patience to listen to it even after everything I did to you. Right after you left, I asked Dr. Hahn where Derek was operating. I waited for him until midnight at that waiting room in front of OR 3. I had your face in my head the whole time. I couldn't stand to hurt you that way and I'd never seen your face that sad before. I can't tell you how sorry I am, Mark Sloan, but Derek left Meredith for me. As much as I could see **how amazing you were in Med School while Derek was absent**, I could also see **how depressed I was when I came to Seattle again to find Derek with Meredith and how much I wished he would leave her for me**.

**I felt the obligation to at least try**. If you were in my shoes, you would know exactly what I'm talking about. I just couldn't put my head in a pillow every night knowing that Derek did **exactly what I begged him to do for a whole year**, and I just ignored it. I had to try.

But, Mark, truth be told: Derek loves Meredith much more than he loves me. I can, only now, see that rather clearly. I was second guessing my decision and questioning myself the whole time. I went back to his trailer and we had sex. I'm not gonna lie to you, Mark: **It was damn good sex**. But, this morning, I woke up alone. **He had left to go make out with Meredith in the woods that surround his stupid trailer!** I struggled to believe my own eyes.

And now, I'm here, asking you to please come see me at the Ritz. We have a lot to talk about.

I made a mistake and Derek made a mistake. **Please, don't be the next one to make a mistake. **

**Oh, shit, is this voicemail password-protected? **

_Beep_

_Beep_

**You've reached Ritz Hotel Seattle. Please dial in the room number or press 9 if you'd like to talk to one of our receptionists. **

_Beep_

**Room 421. Guest: Addison Forbes Montgomery. Leave your message after the beep. **

_Beep_

I knew you were in room 420. You're always in room 420. April twentieth. It's my birthday.

Well, Addison, I'm sorry you're not there and I have to say that to your voicemail, but: **Are you fucking kidding me?**

I'm sorry, Addie. I wasn't raised to be rude to women, but, listen to you! I've waited 12 years for you to finally realize that I'm the one for you. And you keep pushing me away every time! I gave up, Addie. That face you talk about so much, that was me giving up! I can't wait around for you anymore! How do I know that this isn't just one more of your excuses, trying to trick me into being with you? How do I know that if Derek wants you back you won't go running back to him?

I can't risk getting hurt by you again, Addison.

**(picking up noise)**

**AM:** Mark, are you there?

**MS:** Addison, I didn't know you were there, I thought I was talking to your voicemail!

**AM**: Please, Mark, come to the Ritz. I pick you, Mark! I pick you! Please!

**MS**: No, Addison, you don't pick me! You're stuck with me! You picked Derek, but, he walked out on you, so I'm the only thing you've got left! How special do you think that makes me feel?

**AM**: I made a mistake, Mark! I made a mistake choosing Derek! Please…

**MS**: Don't start crying on me, Addie.

**AM**: You have to believe me, Mark! I chose you, you have to choose me! I made a mistake!

**MS**: You lived with your mistake for eleven years and you didn't bother to check before making it again!

**AM**: That's how stupid I am! And you can love me even though I'm that stupid! How big of a man would you have to be to-

**MS**: (interrupting) I do love you, Addison. As I said, I can't help myself. But, I wish I didn't.

**(hanging up noise)**

**AM**: Mark? Are you there? Shit!

GUYS, FROM NOW ON, THE STORY WILL REACH ITS **PART TWO**.

THAT MEANS THAT WE'RE GONNA HAVE DIALOGUES, INSTEAD OF JUST LETTERS REPORTING STUFF. I THOUGHT THAT WOULD GIVE THE STORY MORE RICHNESS OF DETAILS AND MORE EASILY DESCRIBED EMOTIONS. ESPECIALLY NOW THAT ADDIE IS IN SEATTLE. IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU GUYS? :D

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR REVIEWS MEAN TO ME! I LOVE YOU ALL!

**MARCELA COSTA.**

**RECIFE, BRAZIL. **


	12. Addison's Memories

Addison hung up the phone feeling empty-hearted and shuffled-minded. Lying on the floor of her hotel room, she let her mind wander.

_flashback_

**September of 1994.**

The main hall was filled with avid residents that morning.

"Just because you're all hot shot residents now, doesn't mean you'll have easy lives from now on. You'll have interns of your own to take care of and you'll have much bigger problems to be concerned about. Performing your own surgeries brings more responsibilities…"  
Addison yawned loudly. Her hands trembled, almost dropping the chart she was holding. Mark reached out and stopped it from falling.

"Thanks." Addison whispered, flashing a half-smile. Mark took a pen from his scrub's pocket. Started writing something onto his chart and showed it to Addison.

"Wanna get out of here?" Addison looked surprised and started writing below it.

"My boyfriend is standing right next to you." Mark smiled.

"Is writing on each other's chart some new form of sex I'm not aware of?"

"Dr. Sloan!" The attendant's loud voice ripped the air. "Is it New York Mercy's Chit Chat time or are you and Dr. Montgomery gonna pay attention now?" Derek looked into Addison's eyes and read her lips.

"I wasn't doing anything." She whispered. The attendant kept on talking.

"What Dr. Sloan and Dr. Montgomery were doing was a classic example of 'First-Day-As-A-Resident Syndrome'. Just because you are not interns anymore, you all of a sudden forget that there are still people above you. You're not the bottom of the surgical food chain anymore, but, you're damn close to it. Now, I want everyone to line up and I will assign you to your first cases as residents." At that moment, all of the new residents started talking again, and a gentle noise took over the room.

"Hey, babe!" Derek approached Addison, kissing her on the cheek.

"Hello! Excited for your residency?" She asked, flashing a beautiful smile.

"So excited! I finally get to be a real surgeon! And I get to practice neuro, which is what I wanted from the start."

"I'm happy for you, honey."

"I'm happy for you too, my future hotshot neonatal surgeon." Derek leaned in and kissed Addison gently. She reached for his soft skin with her fingertips, feeling him shiver at every touch. A scream interrupted them.

"I've got a case of ectopic pregnancy on the Fallopian Tubes, ruptured in the car; patient caused an accident and broke zigomatic, among other bones." One of the main attendants in the hospital burst in with a bloody young woman groaning in pain. "I want a Plastic and an OB resident!"

"Montgomery, Sloan, go!"

"I gotta go." Addison said, running towards the patient.

**Later that day.**

"Why are you dragging me, Mark?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Can't you do it outside? What if Derek sees us?" Mark finally pushed Addison into the on-call room and slammed the door as he got in.

"He won't. I have something important to tell you." She sat on the bed and looked up at him.

"What?" Mark looked nervous.

"We've been dancing around this for such a long time. You see me, you flirt with me, we exchange awkward looks, we have drinks, but nothing ever happens so that you don't cheat on Derek."

"That's right; do you want me to cheat on Derek?"

"You don't love Derek anymore!" Mark kneeled next to her. "Addie, do you really think things are the same between you and Derek? Do you really believe that you two feel the same way as you felt 5 years ago?" Addison was silent for a few seconds.

"I love my boyfriend. And I don't wanna cheat."  
"Don't you think you're already cheating on him?"

"What? We haven't slept together, we haven't even kissed!"  
"Not a problem." Mark pulled Addison's head and kissed her fiercely. She wanted to fight him, but it required much more strength than she had at that moment. She let herself melt into him, letting him take over her body and soul in that kiss. Her red hair tickled his face and he fought against that much expected smile. It was nearly impossible to acknowledge the fact that his arms were wrapped around that woman, in a way he'd been dreaming of since Med School. The kiss lasted longer than he wanted. Addison's blue eyes were wet with tears.

"What's going on?" He asked. Addison closed her eyes firmly and let the tears fall onto her ivory-like cheeks. She buried her face in his chest and he held her shoulders, comforting her. It wasn't less than two minutes until she was able to talk again.

"I'm sorry, Mark." He held her right hand firmly.

"For what?" He flashed a half-smile, as if trying to tell himself that the worst didn't happen. He felt a lump on her ring finger.

"Derek asked me to marry him this morning." Mark wanted to die. "And I said yes."

_End of flashback_

Addison reached out and grabbed her phone. Started typing a text message.

"I'm staying in Seattle for another few days." She typed Naomi's number and pressed "send". It was her obligation to make it right. 


	13. MontgomerySloan's Redemption

The next morning was a bright one. The sunlight bathed her silky skin in small stripes of glow, which invaded her room through the blinds. She immediately stood up, already picturing the long day awaiting. Inside her suitcase, her bright vinyl shoes almost asked her to be worn in a real hospital again. For a split second, she could see her love for surgery beating faster inside her arteries. She hadn't been in that Practice for a very long time, but, she knew it would take a lot for her to adapt to a life without surgery. To adapt to a life without blood, without cutting and without a little – maybe a lot - of chaos.

She let her silk nightgown fall on the ground quickly and walked to the bathroom of her large suite to take the shortest shower of her life. She watched as the water hit her red hair, drop by drop, and it heavily fell onto her shoulders. But, her mind wandered much further away.

"What am I gonna tell Mark?" She thought. "What if Derek sees me first? Who am I kidding; of course Derek will see me first. He's gonna get all McDreamy on me and start rambling apologetically, but, in the end, all he'll do is say random crap to try to win me back. But, you're a weak bitch, Addison Forbes Montgomery, and you'll fall for him again. You can't do that." She rehearsed in her head every word she was gonna say. She had to make it perfect, or she would lose the man she loved.

It took her a long time to realize that this was the man she loved after all. And it hurt her heart to know that she had nobody but herself to blame. "Mark will be so pissed it's not even funny." She thought, but, already picturing a "hate sex" scenario and lighting up a smile. "Okay, maybe it's a little funny." She took a deep breath and left the shower. Wrapped the towel around her naked alabaster skin and threw her Prada dress on, mentally pouring herself a cup of confidence. In large steps, she walked out of the room.

It was breakfast time when she got to the hospital. She ran to the cafeteria slamming her heels to the tile floor and almost fell forward when she finally saw him. Mark Sloan was sitting on an empty table, with headphones on and an empty look on his face. She walked slowly towards him and sat on the chair opposite to his. He immediately saw her, but didn't stand up and leave. "Derek would." Addison thought. He took off his headphones and stared at her.

"Skipping the most important meal of the day, Dr. Sloan?" She said, keeping her lips contracted in a bright smile.

"What are you doing here, Addison?"

"I need to talk to you. ASAP."

"When you wanna talk to me, it never ends well." His hands were resting on the table. She held them tightly.

"You can't give up." She felt their eyes collide. "You're Mark Sloan. You're not a quitter. Give me a chance. Give us a chance."

"I gave us all the chances we deserved, Addison." Mark never broke eye contact. "You're the one who walked away here."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but, please, let me fix my mistake!" She finally looked away from him and let go of his hands. "I'm a stupid girl, Mark. I am." She looked up and took a deep breath. "I mean, I'm a doctor, a surgeon… I'm book smart, but, I'm not the good kind of smart. I don't know happiness when it's right there in front of me." Mark started feeling his heart crush slowly. His pride was hurt and he was humiliated, but, in the end of the day, his love for Addison was stronger than anything else.

"I'm sorry I came, Mark. It's not fair of me to expect you to want me back after everything I did." She covered her face with her hands. "God, I'm such a screw-up! How is it that I can't hold on to a single person I love?" All of the doctors and nurses in the cafeteria stopped and looked at Addison, who was now fairly emotional and raising her voice slowly. "I should've stayed in L.A., shouldn't I?" Mark watched as a pearly tear fell through Addison's cheek. He held her hand softly and touched her ring finger. It was empty. He felt a Déjà Vu that made his heart pound. Suddenly, Addison stood up. "I'm sorry I came." She said, again, while turning around and starting to walk away. He had to stop her.

He knew he had to stand up and yell something that she, and only she, would understand. He inhaled deeply and vociferated.

"I'm an amazing man, Addison! I'm an amazing man!" Everybody in that cafeteria felt like laughing at him. But, Addison turned around again. Her blue eyes sparkled like never before.

"That's because you found-"

"An amazing woman." He completed, walking towards her. Addison was mortified. She had no idea that Mark had the Shakespearean romantic guy buried somewhere deep down. Her heart pounded as if almost bursting out of her chest. She was sure.

"**I love you, Mark Sloan.**"

He ran the small distance there was between them and gave her a long, starved, yet tender kiss. His hands hugged her waist and he lifted her until her toes left the ground. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let her fingers gently caress his hair. Only one word came to her mind: _Bliss_.

"I love you too, Addison Montgomery." He whispered into her ear. And her body stayed pressed against his for another five minutes. Everybody clapped their hands. Mark Sloan finally got the guts to publicly tell Addison that he wants **her** and no one else. Mark Sloan was letting the world know that his heart belongs to **one single woman**.

**The man whore was redeemed. **


	14. Mark's Joy

She smiled at him and, all of a sudden, the world was no longer black and white.

He looked around and realized that everyone was staring at them. Every doctor in that cafeteria had their eyes inertly focused on them. Some nurses even had tears in their eyes. Addison herself was a little weepy. She looked and looked and looked, but, the recurring failures led her to believe that she wasn't meant to be loved. But, Mark was different. **Mark made feel like she was cherished in this world.** Like she was exactly where she was meant to be. He surveyed her blue eyes as they filled up with water.

"Are you crying?" He whispered, smiling.

"It's eminent." She giggled.

"Let's get out of here." He took her by the hand and they ran across the hall. Her heels stomped soundly through the surgical floor until they reached the on-call room. Mark threw a laughing Addison on the bottom of the bunk bed and slammed the door. He pressed his lips against hers passionately while gently caressing her red soft hair. She ran the tip of her fingers through his chest and stomach, before reaching for his scrubs and slowly peeling them off. His vision turned blurry and his spirit was suddenly taken by her radiating heat. She pressed her nails into his undressed back, feeling a gush of warm air blowing all over her body. He unzipped her dress abruptly, feeling it loosen and fall on the ground beside them. His breathing increased to near hyperventilation. He was obsessed about that woman to an almost pathological degree.

He felt her cold fingertips examining every inch of his naked body, and he embraced her hips tightly, pressing her alabaster skin harder against his. She felt every single muscle of her being contract in a subtle spasm while Mark's lips gently kissed her neck and shoulders. She lifted her leg and let it fall onto Mark's back, making him laugh loudly in her ear. She couldn't help but laugh too.

He held her tightly and rolled to the left, letting them both fall on the beige carpet of the on-call room. He pressed his lips against her cheek and she flashed a blissful smile. _Finally_.

"Here, zip these." She turned around until her half-naked back faced him. Mark had already put his scrubs back on and Addison was almost completely dressed again. "Are you sure you have a surgery?" She asked, turning his face back to him. "I was hoping we could go to our house." She fidgeted with his scrubs with the tip of her fingers, staring at him with frozen blue eyes. Mark kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry, babe. It's a burn." He kissed her again. "With skin grafts!" She gave a half-smile.

"Then, you'll go see me at the Ritz after?" Mark smiled.

"No, no Ritz. Here's the key to my apartment. Just chill there and I'll call you when I'm done, okay?"

"Okay."

"But, don't touch any of my porn!" They both laughed and walked towards the door. When they opened it, their smiles ran away from their faces in a heartbeat. Gazing at them, with empty, disappointed eyes, was Derek Shepherd.

"Hey, Derek." Mark said, indifferent.

"Can I speak to Addison alone, please?"

"Sure. I gotta go save lives." Mark kissed Addison's temple and walked away.

"What do you want, Derek?"

"So, this is what you're doing to get back at me?"

"To get back at you?"

"I sleep with Meredith, you sleep with Mark. It's like a blast from the past."

"I didn't do this to get back at you, Derek. I did this because I have waited for twelve years for you to love me. **For you to care about me! **I was always beside you, always wanted to be with you and you never made a single effort to make our marriage work! But, I look back and all this time, Mark was there. Mark was there when you weren't. Mark held my hand while you were in your surgeries, and I was left in the on-call room!"

"I'm a doctor, Addison, it's expected that I'll be in surgeries!"

"I'm a doctor too, Derek! I was the head of neonatal surgery before you were the head of neuro in New York! I was probably in more surgeries than you were! Still, I tried to manage my schedule for it to fit yours! Never, not once have you done that for me!"

"I can't schedule, Addison, most of my surgeries are emergencies."

"Labouring moms, dying two-hour olds, like I don't have any emergencies!" Addison took a deep breath before speaking again. "Derek, I'm not here to discuss specialties. You were an absent husband and you know it. Our marriage was dead. Me sleeping with Mark was just putting it away. And Mark loves me!"

"**I**** love you!**"

"No, Derek, you don't! Not as much as you love Meredith!" Addison lowered her voice to almost a whisper. "Not as much as I love you." She raised it again and Derek felt his heart ache. "But, I love Mark more. And Mark loves me a hell of a lot more than you love me. And I'm sick, I'm sick of waiting around for you, **picking you over everyone and YOU NEVER GIVE A CRAP!" **Addison walked away in quick steps and headed to the orthopaedics department.

"I can't take this anymore, Callie. Derek is putting me through hell! It's like twelve years of torture are not enough for him."

"Who is this, now?" A blond short woman, wearing dark blue scrubs and standing next to Callie, asked. Addison looked at her. She was a beautiful mixture of brown, hazelnut eyes and golden blond hair. Her face was delicate and fair, matching perfectly her petite figure.

"I'm sorry, I'm Addison Montgomery, Neonatal Surgery." Addison shook her hand. "I'm Callie's friend."

"Arizona Robbins, Peds." Arizona smiled. "I'm Callie's girlfriend." Addison couldn't hide a startle.

"It's so nice to finally meet you!" She said, smiling forcefully. "Callie tells me so much about you."

"You don't have to hide it, Addie." Said Callie. "It's weird to see me with a 'gf'." She made quotation marks with her fingers.

"I mean, yeah! For me, you were always George's wife." Arizona and Callie started laughing abruptly.

"I'm sorry, Addie! We don't say the G word here!" And Addison talked to them for another hour, before heading to Mark's apartment.


	15. Greys' Anatomy

Even though it was raining, Addison walked to the ferryboat station in slow steps and carrying her leather jacket in her hands, letting her porcelain-like arms gradually soak. She wanted the Seattle air to fill her lungs, the Seattle rain to touch her skin and her heart to pump her blood faster and faster. Despite whatever she told people, she loved Seattle and she missed it, even if the time she spent out of it was as little as three weeks.

She finally reached the station, where a large ferry was about to sail. She walked in, climbed the stairs to the upper balcony and sat down in one of the wooden benches under the roof. She wiped the water off her face with her hands and examined every corner of the boat, remembering – and missing - her old life at every second. Suddenly, she saw a woman standing in the rain, watching the drops hit the water in silence. Addison would recognize that blond hair anywhere.

"Hello, Meredith." She said, in an absent-minded tone, but, looking deeply into her eyes.

"If you're here to give me some lecture about how much of a husband-stealing bitch I am, I'll save you some time. I feel like crap already." She said, looking away.

"And why is that?" Addison asked, trying to sound caring and genuinely worried about Meredith.

"Derek is pulling a bipolar on me. I guess you heard about the whole Mark-Lexie thing, huh?" Addison nodded. "So, I thought our relationship wouldn't be touched by that. But, we fought about it. All the time. It was like he was on Mark's side, and I expected him to be on my sister's side, on my side!"

"Was it really a situation to pick sides?"

"Well, he did. He picked Mark's side."

"But, didn't he try to apologize?"

"Yeah, I guess… First, he took me to Palmilla. I thought he was gonna try and talk about everything that happened between us, and Mark and Lexie, but… he didn't! It was like he was trying to bury his head in the sand and forget everything that happened." All of a sudden, Addison realized that maybe, she was wrong about calling Meredith a twelve-year-old. It was immature of Derek's to forget about everything that happened. Meredith made mistakes, Mark made mistakes, and mistakes should be talked about.

"When he slept with you, after we broke up, I thought we were done. I thought you were a family again."

"So did I."

"But, he called me."

"He called you?"

"Yeah. He said he was with you for another night and that made him realize that he actually belonged with me."

"Did he?" Addison felt like Derek was the one acting like a man whore and Mark was the real McDreamy.

"Yeah. And I was weak. I let myself fall for him again."

"Oh, I've been there. I've been bewitched by Derek many times before."

"I shouldn't be talking to you about Derek, I'm sorry, Addison."

"No, it's, really, very okay. There's not a chance that Derek and I will ever be together again."

"Truth is, Addison, you're the only person that Derek is strong enough to stand up to. And, when you left, he lost his guts to speak his mind! This is one of the things I loved about Derek. He spoke his mind to you. And, now, he is a pushover." Addison thought that Meredith may be right about this. Derek never stood up to Mark about why they stopped speaking. Derek let the whole thing drag on for a week until Addison talked to Mark. Addison was the one who stood up to Mark and asked him why he wasn't speaking to Derek. Maybe Derek was the one acting like a twelve-year old.

"You're right." Addison said.

"About what?"

"You're right about everything, Meredith. Derek should've talked to Mark about not speaking to him, talked to you about so many things… It's not like Derek to be like this! Derek is a strong person."

"That's what I like to believe. But, he wasn't strong enough to be alone for one second. He called you and asked you to come back."

"I know. I feel like the rebound girl."

"I hear that."

"What do you mean?"

"When Derek first came to Seattle, I was the rebound girl. He slept with me to get over you. And now, he's sleeping with you to get over me." Meredith laughed in hopeless way.

"Then, I guess we understand each other better than anyone." Addison, in an impulse, friendly tapped Meredith on the back, but, still gazing at the open sea. Meredith stared at her, but waited thirty seconds until speaking again.

"I never got a chance to say I'm sorry." Meredith said, in her most grown-up tone.

"You're sorry?"

"I never meant to be the dirty mistress. I never meant to steal your husband away from you."

"Oh, don't worry, Meredith. He wasn't my husband."

"Please, Addison, he was yours for 11 years, and mine for 11 months!"

"And yet, he was more yours in 11 months than he was ever mine in 11 years." Silence took over for another minute, and then was interrupted from another laugh by Meredith.

"You know, this was something we had in common. We had a thing for ferryboats."

"I never had a thing for ferryboats. As a matter of fact, I thought the whole idea of having a 'thing' for a method of transportation was stupid. But, Derek had a thing for ferryboats." Meredith suddenly understood her point. "And, when I came to Seattle for the first time, I was unspeakably in love with my husband, and all I wanted was to win him back. And even if all my attempts failed, my love was so strong that everything that reminded me of Derek made me feel whole and secure. This is why ferryboats became a bit of passion for me."

Meredith took a deep breath before speaking again. "What you said to me in the woods? That I'm ten years and two doctorates younger than you?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that."

"No, you're right. I'm a really immature girl. And I know it."

"Meredith, you're not-"

"No, let me finish. I am immature. But, Derek is too. Maybe this is why we should be together. We need to grow up. But, we need to grow up together."

"I guess so." Addison looked back into the sea. "You're gonna be okay, Dr. Grey. We both are."

Addison got to Mark's house in fifteen minutes. She was soaking wet from the rain, and was planning to take a shower and wait for Mark in the bedroom. When she got to his building, she saw a black car stopping out front. A woman appearing to be in her mid-twenties opened the driver's door. She was medium-heighted, had her straight black hair cut in shoulder-length and carried a big blue umbrella over her head. She saw Addison getting wet and immediately ran after her.

"Here, ma'am. You can share my umbrella." Addison smiled.

"Thank you very much, that's very nice of you! Do you live in this building?" Addison asked, already picturing a future of her living there and having the nice girl as a neighbour.

"No, I'm visiting someone." She answered, with a smile.

"Oh, me too!" They walked together to the elevator and got in. But, when the two women pressed the same button, Addison felt strange.

"Do you know Mark Sloan?"

"Yes! That's who I'm coming to see! Do you know him?"

"Yeah, actually, I do know him. I'm Addison Montgomery."

"Oh, I've heard of you before! You used to be the chief of Neonatal Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital, didn't you? I work there! It's such a pleasure to meet you!" The woman shook her hand. "I'm** Lexie Grey.**"

Only one word came to Addison's mind: _Shit_.


	16. Grey's Condition

When they got to Mark's floor, Addison realized she had a lot to say.

"Lexie, before we get in, I have to say something. You seem like an extremely nice girl, and I'm sure that Mark would be lucky to be with you. I just want you to know that I know everything that happened between you and him. I know about what Meredith told you, I know about what you think Mark is, and I feel like it's my job to clear it up."

"Wait a minute, I just met you! How do you know about my story with Mark?"

"I'm Derek Shepherd's ex-wife. I used to be his best friend. He told me everything."

"Oh, my God! Addison? You're **the** Addison, aren't you? The one that cheated on Derek with Mark and ruined his marriage!" Lexie's friendly voice was now altered.

"What? Did Meredith tell you that? We have a lot to talk about, Lexie." Addison picked her key up from her pocket. "We should go in."

"Wait a minute, Mark gave you a key?"

"As I said, we have a lot to talk about."

* * *

"Do you feel better now?" Addison asked, sitting down on one of the couches, wearing one of Mark's favourite robes. She'd cleaned her face – her eyeliner had spread all over her cheeks from the rain – and she'd warmed herself up. Lexie took a sip of the tea Addison made her.

"Yes, thank you. I'm sorry I broke down, I mean, I should hear your side of the story before I start judging you based on what Meredith or Derek told me, huh?" Lexie giggled embarrassedly.

"It's okay. But, I do have a lot to tell you. For starters, I need to tell you about my history with Mark. Everything started when-"

"Why did you leave Seattle?" Addison, for the first time in her life, found herself intrigued by that question.

"Excuse me?"

"Why did you leave Seattle?" Lexie repeated. "You were the head of Neonatal Surgery of Seattle Grace Hospital. You made two million dollars a year! What made you leave Seattle?"

"It doesn't matter if you have all the money in the world if everybody in your job hates you, Lexie."

"Why would people hate you?"

"They saw me as an adulterous bitch."

"Did Mark hate you?"

"I don't think so, I think Mark-"

"Did Mark see you as an adulterous bitch?" Lexie's storm of questions was making Addison feel dizzy.

"No."

"Then, not everybody in your job hated you. Mark liked you. Mark loved you."

"I know."

"I'm sure more people liked you, huh? Who else did you sleep with?"

"What?" Addison started thinking that friendly Lexie maybe wasn't so friendly after all.

"I hear you slept with almost every doctor in that hospital! Karev?"

"I'm sure this is none of your business."

"Yeah, you slept with Karev. O'Malley?"

"No! Stop this, Lexie! You don't know me! You don't have the right to say these things to me! Not without hearing me first! Look, I don't care what Meredith and Derek told you, but, I know that they're wrong about most of it!"

"Then start explaining yourself." Lexie crossed her arms. Addison laughed ironically.

"This is ridiculous. I don't have to explain anything to you, Dr. Grey!" Addison stood up and got ready to leave the room. "You have no idea of who I am and-"

"You know, I was gonna be a neonatal surgeon." Addison stopped.

"What?"

"I was gonna be a neonatal surgeon. I was very interested in the field."

"Why did you give up?" Before Lexie could answer, the door was opened violently and a voice cut the air.

"Where are you, Addie? I'm here for you, babe!" Mark Sloan came in, taking his shirt off and smiling widely.

"Hello, Mark."

"Lexie! Oh my God, I didn't think you were coming back!" Mark didn't know what to say. "Did you meet Addison?"

"That she did." Addison said, looking up.

Mark sat down beside Addison, awkward.

"So, did you want something, Lexie?"

"You've moved on, huh?" Said Lexie, with an ironic smile.

"Yes, I have. You left me." Mark said. "I'm with Addison now." Addison smiled. They'd slept together once and he was already "with" her. Mark was really changing.

"I see that. You gave her a house key and all."

"Why are you here?" Mark asked. Before she could answer, she started coughing. She vigorously hit her own chest, as if trying to clear it up. Her coughing increased to a point where she could barely breathe. "Are you okay, Lexie?" Mark asked, standing up and kneeling next to her. "Addison, she's asthmatic." Addison immediately stood up and kneeled next to Lexie too, who now had tears running through her cheeks and struggled for a breath.

"I'm… preg…" She tried to speak, but, it was too much strain on her lungs.

"What?"

"I'm… pregnant!" She yelled, with the last bit of voice she had left. Addison felt a bullet to her heart. All of a sudden, that girl's life was in her hands more than in Mark's.

"Mark, call 911!" She yelled, while measuring her pulse. Mark pulled his cell phone from his pocket and ran to his bedroom.

"Your heart is racing. Lexie, try to breath, okay?" Addison gently massaged her hands, while taking deep breaths with her. Because she was so nervous, the little breathing she could do already triggered hyperventilation. Mark came back running with a first-aid kit.

"The ambulance is coming, okay, Lexie? Be calm!" Mark held a paper bag over Lexie's mouth and nose while Addison measured her blood pressure.

"Damn." Addison said.

"What?"

"Her blood pressure is through the roof." She lowered her voice, so that she wouldn't make Lexie more nervous than she already was. "She could be pre-eclamptic."

"Shit!" Mark yelled. "Keep breathing, Lexie!" Two minutes later, the ambulance was there.

**Seattle Grace Hospital**

Meredith Grey walked into the surgical floor completely wet.

"What's wrong with you?" Cristina asked, rubbing her hands in Meredith's arms.

"I went to the ferry. I needed some time to rest my head."

"Do you have dry scrubs?"

"I think so. I have to check."

"Because I hear the pit is over the roof today. Izzie and Alex already took their interns there, and I'm on my way to taking mine."

"I'll be right down." Meredith said, walking away with her eyes on the floor.

"Meredith, is everything okay?" Cristina asked, resting her hand in Meredith's shoulder.

"Didn't you say the pit was packed?" Cristina understood her message. She didn't wanna talk about it.

Meredith came down to the pit in five minutes and her interns were waiting for her. Dr. Webber, chief of surgery, came running to meet them.

"Dr. Grey, where the hell were you?"

"The important thing is that I'm here now, sir." Webber didn't have time to argue.

"There's an ambulance coming in right now. Take care of that."

Meredith and her interns ran to the ambulance door and watched as the paramedic described the patient's condition.

"Twenty-five year old female, pregnant, asthmatic, presenting with hyperventilation, high blood pressure and accelerated heart rate!"

"It's Lexie Grey!" Mark screamed. Meredith suddenly couldn't move. "Pregnant?"

Meredith ran to the ambulance, and held her sister's hand.

"Mere… I'm sorry… I didn't tell you…" Lexie was still conscious, but, struggling to speak.

"It's okay, Lexie, it is! Don't try to talk, okay?" Meredith forced a comforting smile. But, when she raised her eyes, she saw Mark and Addison looking at them, with a worried look.

"It had to be you two! **What the hell did you do to my sister?**"


	17. Lexie's Ultrasound

"So, how far along are you?" Addison asked calmly, while Lexie lay down in a hospital bed covered with white clean sheets.

"Maybe… Maybe eighteen weeks?" Lexie was still woozy. She had a severe hyperventilation episode that lowered the baby's heart rate, and she had to be put under for a few hours.

"What I'd like to do is an ultra-sound to check the baby's condition. I may be able to estimate the baby's age more precisely then, okay?" Addison gently tapped her hand with a comforting smile. When she was practicing medicine, she forgot she knew the patient outside of work and treated her well no matter what. All doctors were like that. At least, all the good ones. She was about to leave the room when Mark asked the crucial question.

"**Is this my child, Lexie?**"

"_Yes._" Lexie said, in a low tone, resembling a whisper. All of a sudden, nobody knew what to do.

"We'll talk about it later." Mark decided that the baby's health was more important. "I'll come with you to get an ultra-sound machine." They both left the room and instructed a nurse to watch Lexie while they were out. But, ten seconds after they left, they came across Meredith Grey.

"Why did this happen?" She asked, looking at Mark with piercing eyes. Mark remained calm.

"Obviously, Dr. Grey, I can't tell you why." She took a deep, angry breath. "But, now that it did happen, we should be focusing on what to do next."

"You will not walk away from your child, you hear me, Dr. Sloan? You will not!"

"You don't know me, Dr. Grey. I would never walk away from a child, never!"

"You're right, I don't know you, but, I know your reputation, Dr. Sloan."

"This has nothing to do with my reputation! It's so-"

"Let's decide" Addison started yelling, which made them both shut up "who walks away after I make sure the babies are okay."

"Let's go, Addie." Mark wrapped his arm around Addison's back and walked with her until they found an ultra-sound machine.

"So, Lexie, I'm gonna start your ultrasound now." Addison lowered her voice and turned to Mark. "Maybe Dr. Grey wants to watch it."

"Addison, the woman was screaming at me five minutes ago!"

"Mark, this will be Meredith's niece or nephew! No matter what she did, we can't keep her from seeing her sister's baby!"

"This is my child too, Addison!"

"Is there anyone you'd like me to call?"

"Okay, I'll get her." Mark opened the door and screamed out. "Grey! Wanna see Lexie's baby?" Meredith ran to the ultra-sound room and held Lexie's hand, kissing her on the forehead. Addison took a small bottle of ultra-sound gel and gently lifted her shirt.

"I'm sorry; this might be a little cold." Addison squeezed the bottle and a white transparent gel fell on a small blob onto Lexie's stomach. But, before she could start, Mark stopped her with his hands.

"I'm so sorry, Addie."

"What's wrong?"

"Can I take you up on that 'bring someone in' offer?"

"Sure! As you said, this is your kid too." Mark turned to the nurse and whispered in her ear. "Page Derek Shepherd."

* * *

**Five minutes later**

"Is this where Lexie Grey's ultrasound is happening?" Derek asked a nurse from the outside.

"Derek! Come in, come in!" Mark said, opening up the door. Derek stared at Mark. "I'm gonna be a father. It's weird without you here."

"Why?"

"You were my best friend for so long… I don't know, it just feels wrong. I'm gonna be a father, Derek!" Derek looked at him for ten seconds.

"You're gonna be a father!" Derek gave his friend a warm hug. "Finally, huh? A little baby boy!"

"My Eric!" Mark yelled, euphoric.

"Or a baby girl." Addison said, smiling.

"Kate!" He said. Addison had to confess: She didn't think Mark was the kind of man who thought of baby names.

"Shall we start?" Addison asked, looking at Lexie. She had a subtle smile in her face. That crowded ultra-sound room – or the party it became – was making her happy. She never imagined that being pregnant would be well-accepted by people, but, everyone seemed to be extremely happy for her. She wasn't so sure.

"Okay." Lexie said. Addison started the ultra-sound. All of a sudden, the image of a small human-like figure appeared on the monitor. Everybody was silent for a few seconds, until Mark was the first one to speak.

"Is this my baby boy?"

"It appears to be a baby girl!" Addison flashed a bright smile.

"Kate!" Mark screamed. "This is my girl!"

"Wait a minute, Addison," Derek pointed to the monitor. "What's that right there?"

"Oh, my God!" She said, dropping the scope.

"What is it? Teratoma? A huge tumour? Some horrible abnormality? My God, she has two heads!" Mark was desperate.

"It's actually another baby girl."Addison couldn't help a large smile.

"Oh, my God! I'm having twins! Derek, I'm having twins! Kate and Ellen!" Mark gave Derek another tight hug. Meredith threw herself over her sister's body and wrapped her hands around her shoulders. But, the smile quickly ran away from Addison's face.

"What?" Mark asked, noticing soon. "What?" He repeated. Addison couldn't move.

"Can I speak to you outside, Mark?"

"TTTS. Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome."

"What?"

"Twins share vessels, one gets too much blood, one gets too little, could kill them both."

"I know what it is!" Mark covered his face with both hands. "I can't believe this. My children." Addison could see that he could barely speak. She opened up her arms and reached out, as if telling Mark that it's okay to be hugged. He threw himself over her slim body, wrapping his arms around her waist. She gently caressed his hair, mentally searching for the right thing to say. But, when you find out that your children may die before they're even born, there's no right thing to say.

"Will you operate?" Asked Mark, in a teary tone. Addison didn't know what to say. He looked into her eyes strongly. "Please, Addison. I need you. **I need you to save my babies**."

* * *

*** The names Kate, Eric and Ellen were obviously tributes to the actors Eric Dane, Ellen Pompeo and Kate Walsh, without whom none of this would be possible. **


	18. Bennett's Ultimatum

A tall black man came into the Seattle Grace Hospital main hall in wide, fast steps. Looking worried, he got to the counter and rang the bell several times.

"Yes, sir, can I help you?" A nurse showed up holding charts.

"I'm Dr. Sam Bennett. I need to talk to Addison Montgomery."

"I'm sorry, doc, but, you're a couple of months too late. Dr. Montgomery no longer works here."

"Well, that's what I thought. Me and everyone else from her new job. But, she's been here for months now, and she hasn't started working yet. We are losing money and patients!"

"I'll check with NICU*."

Meanwhile, in front of the ultra-sound room, Addison still held Mark tightly in her arms. His warm tears still soaked her shoulders.

"Are you okay?" She asked, kissing him on the cheek.

"Depends. Depends on you."

"On me?"

"Yeah, on whether or not you'll save my children's lives."

"Of course I will, Mark. We can schedule the surgery for tomorrow already."

"That wasn't what I meant."

"Then, what did you mean?"

Sam Bennett walked around the corridors of Seattle Grace, looking for Addison frantically. Where the hell was she? That hospital was big, and Sam did not remember the last time he was working on a real hospital. He was so estranged from that environment that it almost scared him. He ran into the nurse who was helping him.

"Any word from NICU?"

"Addison isn't there. I'm sorry, Dr. Bennett, we'll find her."

"And, when we do, we'll bring her right back to her damn practice. I won't give her another second here in Seattle."

"What if she has something vital to do here?"

"Then, she's gonna have to bring that 'something vital' to L.A. with her."

"I meant," Mark started. Addison was afraid to her the answer, because he was hesitating to say it. "I mean I want you to move in with me. Live with me. Raise these babies with me. Spend your entire life with me."

Addison was speechless. "What?"

"Come on, Addison. Lexie is a kid! She's got no money; she's got no maturity… She's got nothing to give these girls!"

"And you think I do?"

"C'mon, Addie. Let's be real. You were born to be a mother."

"What are you saying, Mark?"

"I'm saying that I don't want you to go back to Los Angeles. I'm saying I need you to stay here, with me. Raise my children with me and maybe even-" Before Mark could finish, he got down to one knee. Every single muscle in Addison's body shivered strongly. Her vision turned blurry and her mind ached with the thought of that scene.

"Addison." He started, grabbing her hand and kissing it. "I've got something to tell you."

The nurse ran towards Sam in a very fast pace.

"Dr. Bennett! We found her! We found her!"

"What?"

"We found Dr. Montgomery! Dr. Shepherd said she's in the ultra-sound room!"

"Derek is here too?"

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd never left Seattle."

"And Derek knew that Addison was in the ultra-sound room?"

"Yeah. He was the one who informed us."

"They must've been there together! Addison went to L.A. to get away from all that! I gotta stop this! Where's the ultra-sound room?"

"To your left." And Sam Bennett ran like the wind.

"What do you need to tell me?" Addison felt her fear turning into extreme joy. Her eyes filled with tears and her muscles kept on shaking.

"I need to tell you that you never got what you deserved, Addison Montgomery. You never got the kids you wanted, the life you wanted or the love you wanted. _But, I am ready to give you all of that_. I don't have a ring. I didn't get a ring. I wasn't actually planning on doing this today. But, I guess I gotta do it. And I gotta do it right now." Addison took a deep breath. They both knew what was about to happen.

"Addison Montgomery, will you-"

"ADDISON!" Before Mark could finish the sentence, a deep voice cut the air. "What the hell are you still doing here?" Sam Bennett ran towards her, scaring Mark into coming back on his feet.

"Sam?" Addison pushed Mark away gently, so that Sam wouldn't know about the two of them.

"Yes, it's me! I'm here to end this craziness!"

"What's going on, Sam?"

"Addison, you have been away from your new job for almost two months! You need to come back!"

"I have important things to do here!"

"Having sex with your ex-husband is not important!"

"It's not Derek!"

Sam looked beside her. Suddenly, his expression changed.

"Sloan?"

"Yes." Mark said, confidently.

"You've been with Sloan this whole time?"

"Watch your tone, Sam."

"Whatever this is," Sam pointed at the two of them. "it needs to end."

"That's not what I meant by 'important stuff'! Lexie Grey is pregnant, and I have to save her twins' lives!" Mark knew it was wise to keep the fact that they were also Mark's babies and they were planning to raise them together private.

"Is it vital?"

"Yes."

"Then you're gonna have to bring this 'something vital' to L.A. with you. I'll be waiting in the main hall. The flight is booked."

When Sam left, Addison and Mark spent thirty seconds without speaking.

"Shit." Addison sighed. "How the hell am I gonna operate on your girl without you being there?"

"I know. It sucks. And how are we gonna bring Lexie to L.A.?"

"This is getting way too complicated." Mark's mind lit up like a Christmas tree. He suddenly had an idea.

"Except…" He started, smiling.

"What are you thinking, Mark?"

"Am I not something vital to you?" Addison suddenly knew what he meant. 'Bring something vital to L.A. with her.' Of course.

"Of course you are." She smiled.

"You know, you stayed here until you almost got fired. It's only fair I'll do it for you too." Addison smiled and grabbed her phone. "Sam? Exactly how many tickets did you book?"

***NICU – Neonatal Intensive Care Unit**


End file.
